Struggles..

I'm not really sure I am ready for this...but here goes nothing...

I have anxiety, and well, for the past year or so it's been pretty bad.

I have never wanted to say it because it makes me feel weak and I am not weak. It also makes me feel somewhat inadequate and misunderstood. Today, I don't really want to talk about the ways that my anxiety manifests itself but by the misunderstanding there is surrounding mental illnesses in this society, specifically anxiety. But first a little background...

I think I have had anxiety my entire life, however after Pea was born it really took off, starting at about 1 year when we had some other stresses going on in our lives anxiety really started to take over. In the beginning it wasn't too bad, it was pretty manageable but it quickly snowballed and has since become a part of my life off and on. I find that I can manage when I do not have other stresses put on top of me but as soon as external pressure comes in I find myself crumbling inside my anxious mind. Several months before getting pregnant I sought out help, filled out countless questionnaires, (all on depression) and got told that I was ok, I was NOT depressed, I definitely did NOT have postpartum depression. Ok, fine I know I don't have postpartum depression BUT....what about anxiety? Postpartum anxiety? Well there is not really such a thing, most mothers are anxious, I am told. So because I don't have postpartum depression I am more easily dismissed. I did however persist and while it wasn't an easy thing to do I am glad I did. It turns out some doctors are starting to recognize postpartum anxiety and perhaps in the future we will see more help for mothers suffering so that we don't have to feel crazy or alone.

As for me, I am definitely getting better, ups and downs are expected and I try to ride them like a wave knowing that on the other side I will always find peace. I take supplements, homeopathics and bach flower remedies to manage it and I try to find ways to quiet my mind, meditation, exercise, counselling and yoga definitely help. I still feel far from recovery but I know I can get there, and well, maybe writing here will help me.
Thanks for reading.