As I was growing up and meeting new people I always heard the word "shy" attached to my name, eventually it became that I would describe myself as "shy" so frequently that I believed that I was indeed very shy. It wasn't until I moved out on my own and began to work that I realized I wasn't shy, I have no problem meeting people and mostly feel comfortable in my own skin. Sure I have periods of *feeling* shy but I no longer identified myself as a shy person.
Now that I am a mother I have noticed how casually everyone uses the word, and my daughter is constantly being labelled as "shy". I am aware that no one means it in a negative way but I can tell how it is affecting her and yesterday when she looked at me and said "Mum, I'm shy" with tears in her eyes my heart started to break.
Just so we all know what shyness is here is the wikipedia description:
"In humans, shyness (also called diffidence) is a social psychology term used to describe the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort/confidence, or awkwardness experienced when a person is in proximity to, approaching, or being approached by other people, especially in new situations or with unfamiliar people. Shyness may come from genetic traits, the environment in which a person is raised, or a combination of both. Some people with shyness have social anxiety problems or social phobia. But many people with shyness do not have these problems. Shyness may merely be a personality trait or can occur at certain stages of development in children. Shyness can also be cultural (adherence to certain norms of behavior in some cultures)."
Now I have to wonder, is it not NORMAL to be apprehensive around strangers? Do we not teach our children to be wary of new people they meet? It is human nature to take some time to warm up...you don't walk up to someone you just met and hug and act like you have been friends for years, no,- you approach gently and cautiously and take some time to know each other. But of course in adults that is not commonly called shyness, it's just normal. However take a child for example who is meeting a family member for the first time and for some reason they are expected to hug and be completely comfortable right away especially if their parents are close to the family member. When they don't they are labelled as "shy",
My daughter has periods of feeling shy, just like all of us, but underneath that she is a confident little girl learning about her world and all her new emotions.
I totally agree Sheena! All my kids have been in situations where they have been referred to as 'shy'. That may be the case in fact, but it shouldn't be seen as being abnormal or wrong. We are all entitled to feel this way at times, and, as you said, we contribute to it by teaching our kids about strangers etc. Which isn't a bad thing! The whole 'burst your personal bubble' aspect some family members want to put on my kids drives me nuts. At no time do I believe they should 'have' to hug, kiss or do anything they are uncomfortable with, be it 'family' or not. They will (and have) develop their own opinions and feelings, and then respond/react accordingly how THEY want to. I, as an adult, usually can't stand being spontaneously hugged or kissed, by friends or family members.....I like 'MY' space. Why should it be any different for a kid?
ReplyDeleteSmiles, Crystal