Birth....

I am sitting here thinking about birth. About all the things I thought I knew about it, about the things I learned in Pea's birth and what I have been taught throughout my life from various people and sources. Ever since I was young I was fascinated with the idea of having a baby. When I was pregnant with Pea I thought about birth in a negative way, about how painful it may be or if I would need interventions or a c-section. At one point I considered a home birth and was talked out of it by well meaning friends and family. Home births are irresponsible, home births aren't safe, a home birth is not for you they said. Inside me there was a voice saying "trust yourself, try a homebirth" but it was silenced.

After Pea was born I had a hard time thinking about my birth and feeling empowered, after all, the saying is that if you have a healthy baby that is all that matters. The thing is having a healthy baby does matter it is the most important thing when you ask a mother what she wants but a healthy birth for the baby and mother is ALSO important and grieving over your birth (if it didn't go the way you hoped) while you celebrate your child's birth are two completely different things, both of which are completely normal and OK.

I have since moved on from these feelings of inadequacy and embraced the way that my daughter entered the world, it does not define us but it certainly shaped me into the mother I am today and for that I am thankful. Now that I am planning my second birth I am finding my views are completely different. I know what I want and I know what I don't want, I am not scared. I know birth is unpredictable, but that doesn't mean I won't set the stage for the birth I want. I know I want a safe birth, but that doesn't necessarily mean going to the hospital. I know I want a peaceful birth, and that I want to feel empowered.

I have more thoughts on this but I'll have to leave it for now, Pea has just woken up and needs to be fed..